SELF-ESTEEM

Definition of Self-esteem:
Confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect.

Synonyms of Self-esteem:
Self-respect, pride, dignity, morale, confidence, assurance, etc. These notes are from recovery in AA and/or related 12 step programs.

Readers are encouraged to click external links for more detail. We hope you find them helpful.

Love in fellowship.

We are not bad people trying to become good; rather, we are sick people trying to get well. It takes a long time for some of us to believe this truth. –One Day At A Time | More…

The way to build our self-esteem is not to tear others down, but to build them up through love and positive concern. To help us with this, we can ask ourselves if we are contributing to the problem or to the solution. –Just for Today | More…

Recovery from a compulsive illness such as alcoholism often brings “pats on the back.”
We should accept such pats on the back graciously, but without taking the personal credit this sort of praise implies.

We can become addicted to praise seeking, and we may even invite it as a way of building up self-esteem. The real victory may be in learning how to live after we’ve established our initial freedom. We may get few pats on the back for our success in this everyday living, but our healthier lifestyle is reward enough. –Walk In Dry Places/Mel B | More…

There is a hard side to emotional health and adulthood. As we grow, we gain many more sides, more ways of responding to the situations we meet. As we have become more loving and tolerant, we have become more assertive for our rights and those of others. –Touchstones | More…

We laugh when a recovering person tells how he “learned to quit just before he got fired.” We sometimes can tell when a rejection is coming, and we take steps… such as quitting… To avoid further pain and humiliation.

In the recovery process, there still may be times when we sense a coming rejection. If it does come, we must remember that rejections is part of living.

People receive rejection for all sorts of reasons, including wrong ones. When we do sense any kind of a rejection in the works, our best course is to let it happen, accept it, and put it behind us. If we are living our program, we don’t need to feel pain or humiliation, as rejection is simply part of normal human experience. –Walk In Dry Places/Mel B | More…

Low self-esteem doesn’t go away overnight.  Sometimes it takes years for us to really get in touch with ourselves.

But with the help of other members of NA who share our same feelings, and by working the Twelve Steps, we blossom into individuals whom others and, most importantly, we ourselves respect. –Just for Today | More…

We covered low self-esteem by hiding behind phony images that we hoped would fool people. The masks have to go.

We use false fronts to hide our true personality, to disguise our lack of self-esteem. These masks hide us from others and also from our own true selves.

By living a lie, we are saying that we cannot live with the truth about ourselves. The more we hide our real selves, the more we damage our self-esteem.

One of the miracles of recovery is the recognition of ourselves, complete with assets and liabilities. Self-esteem begins with this recognition. –Just For Today | More…

Who told you that you were bad and wrong?
Are you still letting others tell you that– after all these years?

Listen quietly. Whose voice do you hear telling you that? Is someone still putting you down, sabotaging your happiness, preventing you from living and moving in self-acceptance, joy, and love?

Inhale and breathe in love, peace, and joy.
Exhale and breathe out negative energy and negative messages.

Get rid of these old messages.
Pull them out of your soul out on by one, then toss them away. –Journey To The Heart/Melody Beattie | More…

Alcoholism was a lonely business. The Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others. –Daily Reflections | More…

We learn to love ourselves — all that we are. Self-love enhances our self-image. A strong sense of esteem enhances our entire lives. –One More Day | More…

We can let go of low self-esteem.
We can turn around lack of belief in ourselves.

We can become willing to forgive ourselves.
We can stop tolerating treatment that doesn’t feel good to us.

We can look at the dangers of defining ourselves by money, power, or prestige, or by whom we know and what we have. Ultimately, we can become willing to take care of ourselves and nurture ourselves through whatever experiences life may bring.

The Twelve Step program offers two Steps that can help us built self-esteem, acceptance, and self-love. Step Six says we become entirely ready to have God take our defects of character.

Step Seven says we humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings. It’s enough to become willing to let go of our low self-esteem and all the ways that low self-esteem manifests in our lives. –More Language of Letting Go/Melody Beattie | More…

Long after a bitter failure, some of us still cling to the hope that we can erase the defeat in some spectacular way. Many of us failed simply we were alcoholics and could do no better.

We might have destroyed opportunities that will never rise again. But by finding sobriety, we may already have proved ourselves to those who really count in our lives… including ourselves.–Walk In Dry Places/Mel B. | More…

We may do less-than-logical things to cope with tragic events. We do these things because it’s the only way we know to survive.

One of the silliest things we do to cope with life is devaluing ourselves when bad things happen to us. Low self-esteem– and all the ways it manifests– becomes a way of coping with painful events.

Stop coping with events by devaluing yourself. Instead, respond to life by loving and taking care of yourself. Love yourself just as you are. –More Language of Letting Go/Melody Beattie | More…

When we recognize that we are holding on to unsatisfactory relationships for such reasons, we need to apply the program more diligently in our own lives.

Usually, we need more self-esteem—a belief that we deserve satisfactory relationships. We do not have to be alone, but neither do we have to endure what amounts to abuse and rejection. –Walk In Dry Places/Mel B. | More…

The thought of “backing down” still seems distasteful to some of us. But we come to learn that our self-esteem soars when we’re able to push pride into the background and truly face the facts. Chances are that people with true humility have more genuine self-esteem than those of us who are repeatedly victimized by pride.  –A Day At A Time | More…