RELATIONSHIPS

Definition of Relationship:
The way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each other.

Synonyms of Relationship:
Relation, association, link, correlation, connection, correspondence, alliance, affinity, kinship, etc.

These notes are from recovery in AA and/or related 12 step programs.
Readers are encouraged to click external links for more detail.
We hope you find them helpful.

Love in fellowship.

How we are with one another is of vital importance in a meaningful relationship. We are implicitly making a statement about what the world can be – one built on courage, tolerance, affection, honesty, and love. Such truths as these will ring out clearly until the end of time. –Answers in the Heart/P. Williamson & S. Kiser | More…

It takes courage and honesty to end a relationship. As we walk this path of self-care, we learn that when it is time to end a relationship, the easiest way is one of honesty and directness.

We are not being loving, gentle, or kind by avoiding the truth, if we know the truth. Endings are never easy, but endings are not made easy by sabotage, indirectness, and lying about what we want and need to do.

Say what you need to say, in honesty and love, when it is time. If we are trusting and listening to ourselves, we will know what to say and when to say it. –The Language of Letting Go/Melody Beattie | More…

The Program has revealed a need to completely overhaul my attitudes about intimate and personal relationships. –Worthy of Love/Karen Casey | More…

The best release for resentment is forgiveness. We should also ask ourselves if we’re guilty of the same faults. Are we discourteous and inconsiderate? Do we apologize? We should try to treat everyone with fairness and kindness. –Walk In Dry Places/Mel B. | More…

Perhaps no area of our life reflects our uniqueness and individuality in recovery more than our relationships. We need to be able to be honest and direct in our relationships. It is confusing to be in relationships and not know where we stand – whether on the job, in a friendship, with family members, or in a love relationship.

Honesty is the best policy. We can set boundaries. We can set boundaries and define friendships when those cause confusion. Honesty and directness is the only policy. The clearer we can become on defining relationships, the more we can take care of ourselves in that relationship.

The ideal relationship is one in which each partner strives to grow. It is an ever-expanding commitment, mutually supportive of healthy interdependence. A healthy relationship encourages the seeking of wider mental and spiritual horizons; it is never threatened permanently by them. –The Reflecting Pond/Liane Cordes | More…

We never reach the point where our path is free of obstacles and hardships. And regardless of how much we grow, how faithful we are to our program, nothing changes the fact that death is still there for us.

After we stop living in denial and accept the hard facts about life, we see that we need each other. We need relationships to stay sane –Touchstones  | More…

Flattery and praise are social lubricants that serve human purposes. Flattery is merely manipulative, while genuine praise is beneficial to everybody. Many of us with troubled back grounds also have trouble giving and accepting praise. A mistake is in believing that praise should be given out only sparingly, only after outstanding achievement. Not so, we need to give and receive praise continuously in order to reach higher levels of achievement. Knowing its importance, we’ll also learn how to avoid flattery. –Walk In Dry Places/Mel B. | More…

As our drinking progressed, most of us lost old friends.
In sobriety, some of our old friendships have been restored.

But sobriety can also give us a deeper and finer understanding of friendships. The great news in all of this is that in the fellowship, we’ll be making some of the best friends we can ever have. We’ll also learn how to be great friends with ourselves. –Walk In Dry Places/Mel B. | More…

Part of my spiritual growth is reaching out to other people. Today I make a point of saying “hello”.

Today I will ask for a telephone number, invite people to dinner, risk a relationship. Let me not debate myself into sickness and isolation. –Father Leo’s Meditations | More…

Most of us have become well adapted to the workaday world. Even if our jobs seem like drudgery, they provide us with a place and a routine, which define us.

Many of us have welcomed the end of a weekend or a vacation because we could go back to our jobs and definite roles. A good job does have value, but we can also grow by giving more of ourselves in our less clear roles at home. It is healing to just “hang around” with our families and friends and to simply let relationships develop.  –Touchstones | More…

We did not all come over on the same ship, but we were all in the same boat. As we listen to others’ stories and tell our own, we see roads into this program are different.

Perhaps there was a time when we felt totally alone with our problems. But we were alone just like thousands of others needing recovery. We can turn to our brothers and sisters in the program knowing that they are in the same boat, and they will understand. –Touchstones | More…

We know how to look at ourselves and change our defects. We know how to live an honest life.

By the time we complete Step Twelve, we make or regain many relationships. The most important one is with our Higher Power. As we grow in the program, we realize all our relationships are spiritual gifts. –Keep It Simple | More…

Information is a powerful tool, and having the information about what a particular relationship is – the boundaries and definitions of it – will empower us to take care of ourselves in it. Relationships take a while to form, but at some point we can reasonably expect a clear definition of what that relationship is and what the boundaries of it are. –The Language of Letting Go/Melody Beattie | More…

Man is designed to function independently and to rely on the Creator for his resources. If we build our relationship with the Great Spirit, we are ready when emergencies occur.

We need to build a trusting relationship with the Creator. We do this by constantly talking with the Creator.

It’s good to talk to Him many times a day. Then we will realize, even though we can’t see Him, that He is always with us and He is ready to respond to our requests. –Elders | More…

We need a basic commitment to stay in a relationship dialogue, to continue returning to it as long as both people are willing to work on it. Working through crises is how a relationship grows from simply being an idea to having its unique reality.

We will be frightened by the rough spots, we will wonder if there is something wrong with us or with the other person, or the relationship. We cannot escape such questions.

To run from the difficulties cuts off the possibilities for growth. It is a frightening thing to become real, to come into consciousness. –Touchstones | More…

The purity of a relationship is directly proportional to the undivided attention we both give to those shared moments, hours, experiences, to being there with one another. This communion with another is the celebration of life and God that quickens hearts and ushers in serenity. –Each Day a New Beginning| More…

Flattery and praise are social lubricants that serve human purposes. Flattery is merely manipulative, while genuine praise is beneficial to everybody. Many of us with troubled back grounds also have trouble giving and accepting praise. A mistake is in believing that praise should be given out only sparingly, only after outstanding achievement. Not so, we need to give and receive praise continuously in order to reach higher levels of achievement. Knowing its importance, we’ll also learn how to avoid flattery. –Walk In Dry Places | More…