DETACHING

Definition of Detaching:
Leave or separate oneself from (a person, group, or place).

Synonyms for Detaching:
Disconnect, disengage, separate, segregate, etc.

These notes are from recovery in AA and/or related 12 step programs.
Readers are encouraged to click external links for more detail.
We hope you find them helpful.

Love in fellowship.

Detachment doesn’t come naturally for many of us. Detachment is a gift. It will be given to us when we’re ready for it. When we set the other person free, we are set free. –The Language of Letting Go/Melody Beattie | More…

I got more comfortable with my new reaction – not reacting. Before long, I became downright peaceful with the situation. I had stopped fighting, I felt at peace.  –The Language of Letting Go/Melody Beattie | More…

How does one deal with negativity? We will make the right decision if we’re careful to avoid resentment and self-pity while being completely honest about our own motives and intentions. –Walk In Dry Places/Mel B. | More…

Learning to detach may be the most demanding and difficult part of this program.
Detachment means being filled with closeness and love toward someone, yet knowing we cannot fix or protect that person.

Being detached means we allow others to be in the hands of God because we cannot live their lives for them. Detachment gives us an inner calm, an acceptance of our limits, and the freedom to live our own lives with integrity.

Detachment is a skill in living, and like other skills, we can practice it. –Touchstones 13/12 | More…

The secret of detachment is expressed in the biblical charge, “Resist not evil.” We don’t fight or resist the other person, or even try to change their behavior.

We stop believing that the other person’s behavior can really control us in the future. We become impersonal about something that was once highly charged with resentment and bitterness.

At no point, however, do we say that the others’ wrong behavior is all right, nor do we lie to ourselves about what the other is doing. Detachment does not mean that the outcome will be recovery or change for the other person.

That sometimes happens, and we’re grateful when it does. If we detach in the right way, however, the outcome will always be better than anything we could bring about by fighting the situation. We have to count an outcome favourable if we stay sober and under control in the midst of an insane situation. –Walk In Dry Places/Mel B. | More…

Detachment doesn’t mean denying compassion. Approaching life with detachment may seem cold at first.

We are accustomed to offering lots of help to other people. Through this program we are learning so much about ourselves.

For example, we never knew that we attained much of our worth from how we took care of others. Detachment doesn’t mean we stop loving them.

We simply need to stop doing for others what they need to do for themselves. –A Life of My Own/Karen Casey | More…

When do we detach? When we’re hooked into a reaction of anger, fear, guilt, or shame; When we get hooked into a power play. Often, it’s time to detach when detachment appears to be the least likely, or possible, thing to do.

The first step toward detachment is understanding that reacting and controlling don’t help. The next step is getting peaceful – getting centered and restoring our balance. –The Language of Letting Go/Melody Beattie | More…

The secret of detachment is expressed in the biblical charge, “Resist not evil.” We don’t fight or resist the other person, or even try to change their behavior.

We stop believing that the other person’s behavior can really control us in the future. We become impersonal about something that was once highly charged with resentment and bitterness.

At no point, however, do we say that the others’ wrong behavior is all right, nor do we lie to ourselves about what the other is doing. Detachment does not mean that the outcome will be recovery or change for the other person.

That sometimes happens, and we’re grateful when it does. If we detach in the right way, however, the outcome will always be better than anything we could bring about by fighting the situation. We have to count an outcome favourable if we stay sober and under control in the midst of an insane situation. –Walk In Dry Places/Mel B. | More…

Who knows better how to push our buttons than family members? The process of detaching in love from family members can take years.

We can love our family and still refuse to buy into their issues. We can take care of ourselves with family members without feeling guilty. We can learn to love our family without forfeiting love and respect for ourselves. –The Language of Letting Go/Melody Beattie | More…

Who knows better how to push our buttons than family members?The process of detaching in love from family members can take years.

Learning to detach may be the most demanding and difficult part of this program.
Detachment means being filled with closeness and love toward someone, yet knowing we cannot fix or protect that person.

Being detached means we allow others to be in the hands of God because we cannot live their lives for them. Detachment gives us an inner calm, an acceptance of our limits, and the freedom to live our own lives with integrity. –Touchstones | More…

It may be difficult to watch as someone’s insanity manifests itself. But if we detach ourselves from the problem, we can start living in the solution. And if we feel affected by another’s actions, we can extend the principle of forgiveness. –Just For Today | More…

How does one deal with negativity? We will make the right decision if we’re careful to avoid resentment and self-pity while being completely honest about our own motives and intentions. –Walk In Dry Places.

The key to devotion means being attached to nothing and no one save God, not being detached from things externally. External detachment is often an indication of a secret vital attachment to the things we keep away from externally. –My Utmost for His Highest | More…